Day one of week one

Wow! I must say that I already love this study! It seems the theme of day 1 study was the mean and ugly PRIDE. We all know people who we think are too big for their britches and there is absolutely nothing we can say to make them think otherwise. To me that is what happened to Uzziah. The primary sin he committed was the sin of pride.

At first I did not think this pertained to me personally. I mean, I certainly do not think I am better than others and I do not think my way is always right. I am usually looking for too much input into my decisions. But as I had some time alone while in the shower (hiding from my kids) God gently said "not so fast." I had examples of how I do suffer from pride at times, though not the apparent, know it all kind. The example that came to me is when I do not accept help. Why would I not accept help when I need it? I mean, I have three young kids and I homeschool and the kids are messy and they need things..Not to mention a husband who likes to come home to watch hours of political shows. (just making a statement, not complaining..yet) If I express to someone how I am feeling a little overwhelmed by it all and someone makes an offer to help I might quickly dismiss it with "thanks, but I'm okay. I'm fine, just complaining." So, my pride gets in the way of me making connections with others who are offering to help me. I feel like I am somehow failing if I get help. I mean, why am I not good enough to do it all myself? I realized that it has nothing to do with that, it has to do with me failing to open myself up to forming close bonds with others and most importantly God. I am not here to do it all by myself. I need God and others to surround me with love and I want to do that for them too.

So,needless to say pride effects me too. It is certainly not my biggest obstacle but it is a small one for me. Like Uzziah when he decided he was going to perform duties that only priests are to do. What??! Who was he to perform a sacred burning of incense. So, what did Uzziah get for his pride? Just the total downfall of his kingdom, that's all! God had given him leprocy, was sent away to live alone and away from God. And he died without getting the same accolades as previous kings for his great work. So, his legacy which was so successful in building up and protecting a nation was now remembered as "he had leprocy" Period.

I sometimes wonder what I want my legacy to be. Not that I want to go anytime soon but will people ever know the REAL me? Sometimes I wonder if I know the real me...Its seems that living in chains for a lot of years caused me to doubt my own decision making skills. If I made so many crappy decisions, can I trust myself to make any good ones? Then it leads to stifling procrastination simply due to the inability to make a decision. I mean does it really matter if I go with red or green baskets for the kids rooms? NO! But it can take me hours of standing in a store to make that decision. Geez! At this point in my life, I am done with charades of who I think I should be. I want to be who I really am, whoever that is! I know God is speaking to me each day as I pick up the bible and read the scriptures. My eyes and heart are open to see and hear who I really am, through His eyes.