OOPS..

It has been awhile since I wrote last, seems I fell into the pitfall that I was warned about recently during one of Pastor Michael's sermons. You know, you are saved, you feel great, invinsible even and then you start to put off daily time with God. I started to try some new things, sewing and crafting, that I was afraid to try thinking I wasn't good enough to do them. Well, I felt with the strength I gained through Christ that I would have no fear of failure and give it all a try. And...I did it! But in that time, I left out my daily devotion time and even was a little slow on my study time. And believe me, I could tell a difference!

I have a habit that I developed during an extremely stressful time in my life about 15 years ago. I was going through a divorce and was lied to and cheated on. My fear of abandonment that I have had since young childhood (though for no concrete reason) was peaked. I was so devastated at the time that I started pulling my hair! What? That seems so weird I know. I wasn't sure why I did it and it was hard to control. Later I learned that it is an extreme stress response with a really long name..Though I choose not to be a victim to it, it still finds its way back to me. I still do it on and off from 15 years ago. Most people don't know it and you can't really tell but I do know I am doing it. So, don't come and slap my hand like I am not aware of it! lol Anyway, when I made the decision to get baptised I felt so calm and secure. Then for about three weeks I was riding on the "high" from that event. No hair pulling or even the need to do it so I felt great...until I noticed that I started to feel a little anxiety over small things (which is what triggers it anymore) and all of a sudden I was pulling it again. I started to notice a correlation of my time with God and the peace I felt. No time with God equaled much anxiety over trivial things..again.. Ugh..what did I do??

So, here I go again. Now I am learning how to walk with God just like a lot of you. Those of you who do it like a seasoned champion, I envy you. I am learning from you whether you know it or not. Back to quiet time I go...I expect God to be waiting for me and welcome me back with open arms and the peace that I lost along the way.

Wow, this really is a life journey! Just like everything else in life, I must find what is truly important and get back to it. No time off for the weary! Like Beth says in her study that God wants me to be FREE from my bondage, no matte what it is. He does not want it to revisit me and me fall victim to it time and time again. Once and for all, I will conquer this and it will no longer be a yoke around my neck!